Tuesday, March 31, 2009

my giant elm...the roots of my life



i woke today thinking about the beautiful majestic elm tree that grew at the very back of our garden in my childhood home...it was the only elm that had survived the dutch elm disease of the early '50's...it was a symbol of hope and survival for me even as a small child...i would try to hug its massive trunk and struggle to grasp my tiny fingers on either side...i would sit there at the foot of this tree to nurture my sorrows and dream of my future....it was both mother and father to me this powerful, strong tree..i often imagined it talking to me and comforting me when i was sad, i could see a face amongst its rugged bark and imagined its branches bending to hold me close...

our crazy neighbour was intent on destroying it, tired of raking its autumn leaves...he would try every saw, knife, hammer....to murder my tree...but it would barely make an impression on its sturdy bark...i know i could hear my elm tree laughing at this fool of a man...

when my parents moved and sold this house, it was torn down and a monster home was built in its place...i didn't miss the house...too many horrible memories and sadness...to see a pile of rubble where our home used to be was a time of rejoicing for me, not of remorse...but my tree..

i stumbled into the gated backyard one night...the huge home had taken over our beautiful garden and the elm tree seemed much closer now...i tripped over large neglected childrens toys on my way to my tree...i hugged it...still unable to reach my fingers...i cried...sobbed...told it my story of the life i had lived since saying goodbye...it stood, so proud and strong, it listened and bent to caress me...it spoke in that deep earthy voice...i will always stand here...in this garden...for you...only you have noticed me...cared for me...needed me...only you understand the struggle i have had....

i woke today missing my elm tree...missing my love...missing a life free of sorrow...

the monster home had taken over the back garden.
all that remained was the giant elm tree towering ab0ve everything else.
branches tossed to the ground in a wind storm.

i long for those blessed leaves falling every autumn.....

there is no serenity here...the tree outside my fourth floor balcony houses the sparrow family, and occasionally you can hear their song above the roar of traffic.
the pigeons strut along the ledge, eyeing the discarded suitcase as a possible nesting place..

i view the top of a majestic pine and see into the hidden nest of birds....but i long for the roots and the earth instead....





No comments:

Post a Comment